Monday, August 10, 2015

GB's Vacation

Renaissance explorer.

  I work with a maniac named GB.  I'm not going to say who he is because that would be mean; though he's made fantastical claims, such that he cornered a lynx in a cave-shelter (!) and blasted it with a shotgun "for the sake of the community".  He also shaved his neighbor's dog, kidnapping the pup inside his house in his living room with electric clippers because it had wandered near his lawn (which is all dirt btw) is also mean as well by my reckoning.  Not good karma if you ask me.


  I find (hopefully) all of his lying claims unlikely at-best, but I wouldn't quite put it past him. 

 Apparently a squirrel had jumped from a tree in a park while he was on a pedal-bike and it ran down his shirt and bit him mercilessly.  When God is attacking you with harmless woodland creatures in a Secret of NIMH golden-fire, kamikaze effort, you know you're an evil redneck.

GB does not understand Karma.

You may ask..
  Recently, he went on vacation for 30 days (and our site had never worked better, and we all got bonuses and praise for non-downtime!)  He tends to mash the keyboard with his fists like a failed Herculoid who didn't make-the-cut.  What's interesting is that he drove over 7000 miles in nearly 30 days with no destination in-mind.  Yep.  Just drove the highways, wife and 5-year-old in-tow in a small, Korean SUV. 

Pike's Peak in Colorado Springs, Colorado

   Never saw any sites (ie. Grand Canyon, Empire State Building, etc.) just drove.  I find this amazing.  He did apparently stop for one fishing-effort in a pond.  He claims he caught a perch (I suspect it was a striped-boot) but, of course, he has no place to clean it, didn't have camping-gear, etc., so he claims he gave it to a stranger (hobo.. who made hobo-chili with the boot, coffee grounds, and a dead-cat [known as "Chicken of the Railyard"].

GB, a Renaissance-pug-man (Werepug of Old)

  I can just see the visage, his wife asking,
"GB, where we goin' on our vacation?"
"You'll know when we get there!"
"Okay GB!  I'm excited!"
(10 days later)
"GB, we been drivin' for 10 days!  When we gettin' there?!"
"You'll know when we get there!"
(20 days later)
"GB, that's our house!  We're pullin' into the driveway!"
"I know!  We're there!"
(wife takes off shoe and beats him over the head with it for 12 hours).
GB heh-heh-heh's the entire time, job well-done.

Music of the trip to go by (instrumental): "Honey, get the kid!  We're ridin' OUT, Pron-TOW!"


Here are some snapshots from the adventure.

Honey, we're goin' on vacation!

Where we goin'?  Don't'chy'u worry 'bout it!

Here we go!  Trust me!

Coolin' in a puddle by the side of the road.  Wife waiting in car.

Never made any reservations for hotels.  Found one on day 11.  Love that "AC" (note from author:  Not AC).

Getting a sun-tan at 7pm, or is it AM?

Wife waiting in car.

Keeping cool by a random river.

King of the World!

Confused about GPS from gas-station parking-lot to actual gas-station...

Hitching a ride (and saving on gas!)  Wife waiting in car 40 miles away still.


Jumped on someone's river-boat as a stow-away as-yet un-noticed.

I'm an idiot.

Heh.  Discovered.  Playing it "cool" with boat-owner "Cherry-Hands MacGee"

Good place for fishin'!


Caught fish.  You can keep it!

Day 22, still drivin'.

Day 23, still drivin'.

Day 24, still drivin'

Day 25, still drivin'.

Day 26, still drivin'.

Day 27, still drivin'.  Flood in Iowa.

Day 28, birthday.  Fearing fire.

Day 29, still drivin'.

Military memories.

Skydiving with stranger.  Wife still in car.

Adventures abound!

Lost at sea.

GB, we need you on an adventure to find the sacred Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.  Are you familiar with the legend?

Reeses?  It's my speciality!

Quest for the Reeses begins

Quest completed.  Wealthy for Life!

Relatives in Alabama happy to see me.

Wife caught me using internet porn in hotel.

Forgot how to swim.

Fine dining.

Fine dining.

McPlay Place, at McDonald's.  (store was closed though).

Escaping Ronald McDonald from closed McDonald's

Escaping McDonald's from the cops (since store was closed).

Trying surfing on the river.  Wife waiting in car..

Went to see AntMan in 3d

Watermellon-eating contest in Missouri.

Almost home!  (wife still waiting in car).

Finally at home.  Heh-heh-heh.
   So that's it.  He got a flat-tire mid-trip, drove  interstate highways and really did nothing, got lost a lot.  When asked if he was in Upper-peninsula of Michigan he couldn't answer (because he doesn't know what a peninsula is, of course.)  If he had been in an RV, or on a motorcycle, or something cool, I could understand it, but just the interstates?  For 7000 miles?  Never stopping?  Amazing.
Here's your eye-candy as-usual...
And one for the ladies...