Friday, December 9, 2011

Do I have an oven?

Odd conversation today went like this:

Old Timer: "Mike, do you have an electric oven?"
Me (initially pausing, confused): "Yes."
Old Timer: "Can I borrow it?"
Me (still a bit confused): "Um.. okay?"
Old Timer: "Can you bring it in tomorrow?"
Me (horrified): "What?  The whole oven?!  It weighs like 300 pounds!"
Old Timer: "No it doesn't!"

(awkward pause)

Me: "You want me to bring in a whole electric oven?"
Old Timer: "Yes."
Me: "You realize it's like 4 feet squared."
Old Timer (annoyed): "No no no.  A portable oven."
Me: "You mean like a toaster-oven?"
Old Timer (more annoyed): "No."

(more awkward pause)

Old Timer: "You know, with the lid on top of it."
Me: "Like a glass lid?"
Old Timer: "Yes."
Me (thinking I understand now): "Oh, you mean a crock-pot?" (solved for sure)
Old Timer: "No." (showing the motion of removing a lid)

(more awkward pause to the hilarity of the crew, now mildly interested)

Me: (rubbing head, confused)
Old Timer: (showing dimensions of 4 feet by 1 foot with his hands) "An electric oven."
Me: (still confused) "Not a toaster-oven?"
Old Timer: "You don't get out much, do you?"
Me: "There's some kind of oven you can buy that's 1/4th the size of a normal oven with a lid on the top?"
Old Timer: "Yes, you don't have one of those?  Everybody has one of those."
Me (annoyed): "No they don't!"
Old Timer: "Yes they do."
Me (angrily accosting the 6 closest people around me): "Do YOU have one of those?  You?  You?.."
Me (to 3 more folks): "You?  How about you?  Or you?" (back to Old Timer) "NO one has one of those!"
Old Timer: "Well why didn't you say so?"

That was my night.

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